Tuesday, April 22, 2008

What You All Need to Know About Me

Dear Readers,

I'm afraid I haven't been entirely honest with you. Truth be told, the real (or at least, the most pertinent) reason I have taken a break from blogging is because I have felt nothing but complete and utter hatred for myself lately. To cut a long story short, I have very severe self-esteem problems, which have only worsened as of late. It does not help that I have rare, but extremely potent tendencies to slip into deep depression. I guess you could call me somewhat bi-polar, though that is not an official diagnosis (yet?). I can't help but blame God for all of my problems lately; and I can't help but feel like shit, too. Please pray for me and all my intentions, that I be able to overcome this period of darkness. Perhaps it would be best if I learn to accept myself for what I am or what I am not; I will probably never be the ideal me I've always pictured in my mind, and this is something I have to accept, however much it burdens me. Again, please pray for me; I really, really need it right now.

9 comments:

Genevieve said...

Praying, dear one. The wonderful Memorare, and the intercession of Benedict Joseph Labre. Your ability to reach out for prayer is a grace -- God loves you. Every day, every hour, every breath. It is a vale of tears, but take heart. Jesus, mercy.

Archistrategos said...

Thank you very much, Genevieve

EegahInc said...

You've got my prayers too.

Andrew said...

Prayers going up. It's hard dealing with this kind of issue and living as a young person in the world today. And so much harder trying to live life as a good Christian.

Sometimes, the problems just start rolling in and we wonder what the heck is going on. We want to shout out 'Hey God, remember me? I'm on YOUR side. What the heck's going on here?' You know, sometimes, we can't help but wonder if God treats His friends like this, no wonder he has so few of them. =)

It ain't easy and I can't say that I did listen to this same advice when it was given to me when I was having problems, but do know that God does love you and He does, despite all the evidence to the contrary, have a plan for you. Trust in Him and lean on your friends. Friends and family are the crutches God gives us and through whom God helps us through our darker moments. Peace, and do not let you heart be troubled!

Patrick said...

I've asked St. Dymphna to intercede for you. My son is 17 and bipolar, and I know how he suffers.

Remember this is a MEDICAL condition, not a character flaw. Getting on the right medicines can make a huge difference. You must see a doctor. Don't give up. It can take a lot of experimentation to find the drugs that work for you.

Archistrategos said...

Thank you for all the advice. I am seeing my doctor on Friday, hopefully the results won't be too troubling. I've also asked my aunt, who is a counselor with a history of working with bipolar patients about it, but I've yet to hear back from her. I'm trying my best to cope with the situation, but there have been some incredibly trying moments lately. I won't go into details just now, but suffice to say, things are not exactly well right now. Again, I thank you all for your prayers-- they have seriously helped me get through the day. Thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart

Anonymous said...

My spiritual director once told me that 'when we look at ourselves there are many reasons to despair, that is why we look to Jesus where there is always hope.'

That is why the prayer of Sister Faustina is so important: "Jesus, I trust in YOU."

When a father returns from work and his three year old daughter is so delighted to see him, she runs out of the house shouting with glee, and as a three year old, she stumbles and falls, and begins to cry. What does the father say to her? "You clumsy fool, when are you going to learn how to walk?" or does he say to her picking her up and kissing her "Darling some day you are going to walk just like your mommy, you are daddy's special little girl." Now we know that if a human father would respond in the first way, which do you think our heavenly father will say to us?

A doctor of the church, I don't recall which one, said: "Many times we have trouble with the justice/mercy issue of God our Father. All the issues of Justice have been settled and taken care of by the cross of Jesus. Now all that is left is sheer, unending mercy, love and forgiveness." IN all your human imperfections may now experience the sheer unending mercy, love and forgiveness that God your Father has for you.

You are in my daily rosaries.

Anonymous said...

I meant to say that our earthly father would not respond in the first way, and how much more perfect is our heavenly Father.
sorry,

Mark Scott Abeln said...

I know for a fact that depression is awful, and if one has never experienced it, they cannot have even the slightest idea of how bad it feels. But you are not alone; unfortunately, our Modern world has given us every comfort except spiritual peace, and so depression is so very common these days.

Medicine may help. Keeping busy, physical activity, and helping those in need can also help.

May you find consolation and peace.